Life

In light of the crazy business that is currently my life, I decided to ignore all responsibility this morning and recover my sanity. Basically I've been cleaning and shopping and being SAINTLIKE since Sunday. Sunday is the day that Brian's Grandpa G died. Albeit he was 101, but in a way that makes things harder. He's always been around, and now he isn't. And it's weird and empty and it makes me pensive. Since it's Brian's grandpa, I've been doing my best to not complain or criticize or lose my temper. I've been trying to hold things together. I think it's been working, but it leaves me so drained every night, especially because I have to keep myself busy doing anything. Here's the obituary:http://ads.heraldextra.com/articles/2009/05/20/obituaries/343207.txt

So, the funeral is tomorrow. Early. Think 9AM viewing, 10AM service. Hopefully Sean will nap or something in his carseat. Brian's sister is arriving with her family in the wee hours of the morning, so we'll probably get up when they get here (5AM). I need to finish the guest room - I've been going through things and didn't put stuff back. I won't go through my list, but assume that most of my house is like that.

And now, because I'm taking a break from stressful things, here is Sean:

Isn't he just adorable? This was taken by my SIL Christi with her SIL's new lens. gotta love family. In this picture he's 10 months, but he hasn't changed a whole lot in looks and still does that crooked smile thing. All of his clothes are either too big or too small for him - 6/9mo and 12mo clothes are apparently our only options. He could stand up on his own, but refuses. However, he's been more willing to experiment walking while holding our hands since he's seen his cousin (a year older) running around and having fun. He wants to be just like his cousin and those two boys are going to be Trouble. :)

Lately he's learned how to say "monkey" (uh-tee), give kisses, feed us, eat cantaloupe, walk along the furniture, close doors all the way and cry about it, empty out purses and book shelves, stack his nesting blocks, and hit the keys really hard on his play piano. And mimic sounds (cars, vibrating phones, etc).

This morning I gave him a bottle of whole milk. IT WAS A SUCCESS!! He's a big fan. Now I just have to get him emotionally weaned off of breastfeeding and we'll be set to go! Well, if he can digest the stuff properly. I'm just so tired of how distracted he is and all of the biting that goes on because of it. It's like he wants to nurse, but not enough to nurse. Punk.

And some interesting news is I think I've decided on Sean's Halloween costume. I know, five months early, but if I don't start now it's not going to happen. He shall possibly be Billy Idol. He has the hair for it and it would be hilarious.

Growth

My baby boy is 11 months tomorrow. What? How did that happen? Has it already been a year since I finished my senior course, graduated, moved, visited home, set up my new home, and sat there waiting for this little guy to FINALLY come? Will he really be a year old one month from tomorrow?

Part of my feels like my heart is breaking, while the other part just loves how fun Sean is. In fact, this morning he was playing in our bed while we were deciding to get up and he crawled over to Brian's head and pulled on Brian's hair, like he was getting something out, and pretended to eat the pretend thing he pulled out. When did he get an imagination? Who taught him to pretend things? Where did my baby go!?

Any words of wisdom? How do I get past this and accept his growth without feeling sad?

Roasted Ears

Don't worry guys - Jane Eyre will be back! I'm just getting the house spring cleaned and haven't had time to think about it.

Besides cleaning, nothing much has been going on. But it sure has been nice to get rid of stuff I don't want anymore - high school papers that have no significance or emotional ties, clothes I can't make myself wear, a couple pairs of shoes, garbage... And then I've organized Sean's room, again, and hopefully he doesn't manage to completely destroy my system, again. Oh, and i finally packed up some books from downstairs and brought them upstairs and put Sean's downstairs toys on the bookshelf. Woohoo! The living room already feels so much better. Next up: laundry closet and scrubbing the shower.

Oh - I got a new bike. It's a girl's bike, rather than women's, because I'm short. But the best part about it? It's PINK. Yup. I have a pink bike. I'm pretty excited about that.
Isn't it beautiful? I don't recall the wires being all out there like that, but that's ok. I love it and have lots of plans to ride it and use the water bottle and the little under-seat-fanny-pack.

Having a bike again reminds me of when I was little. I had a bike that was a bit too big for me and I would have to put the bike next to the sidewalk ledge in order to get on it. But that was ok with me. It was a beautiful maroon and had all the bells and whistles. Before that I had an awesome little blue and white bike with a long seat. Was there a rainbow on the seat? I don't remember. Tassles coming from the handlebars? no... oh yeah, that was my sister's bike.

That's the exciting news. Now we just need a little bike trailer for Sean and we'll be all set!

Visiting the backwoods

Well, we're going to Tennessee!

Brian's been wanting to go since before we got married. Every few months he'll just talk non-stop about how fantastic it is there and how he misses it and wants to go back. I always tell him that if he makes room in his work schedule, that I am more than happy to go. And then in the past two days, he did. So he searched many travel websites and found some good deals. It's still by no means inexpensive, but definitely worth it.

This all came about when I was missing Snowflake 4th of July festivities. I've been wanting to attend it for a couple of years and felt a little homesick. I think that made Brian ponder the glories of Tennessee and make him feel homesick for childhood, as well. So I got over myself and realized he missed TN more and told him we should go to Tennessee.

It's nice to make a husband so happy. :)

Now he keeps on asking what I want to do there. ... Um. I don't know. Give me a list of things and I'll veto what doesn't sound fun. We may or may not: visit Nashville (so I can stalk country singers and Nicole Kidman), see the Smokey Mountains, go to Dollywood (heaven help us), tour random historical sites. We will be visiting Brian's childhood home and the river he played by.

I'm afraid I won't be wanting to come back. But maybe I'll get a tick and swear off living where I can get one of those again. SICK. I better pack some tweezers. SICK. worse than salmon.

So I guess this is a summer of vacation. It's nice when you don't use up a whole week at once with the birth of a child, huh? And I guess it's kinda worth Brian not taking time off for six months, making his work superiors think he needs lots of time for his family...

Jane Eyre Discussion, Part 1

Alright you slackers, now you get to hear all of my musings and intelligences on the novel Jane Eyre. I'll warn you first - I had three semesters (maybe four) of classes that discussed mainly this book. I have theories, investigations, strong opinions about this book. And I love it. After a year break from this book, I'm glad to be returning to it.

We'll start from the beginning. Jane is a girl with a wild imagination, a love of books, passion for all things in life, and a deep hatred of her aunt Mrs Reed and cousins John, Georgiana and Eliza. They are verbally, mentally, and physically abusive to her, and they feel no remorse for it as she is nothing but an orphan they are obligated to care for. She is afraid and later friends with the maid Betsy, who has no real important role other than filling in Jane and the reader with information.

My favorite part of the beginning with when Jane realizes that she does not have to take the abuse silently. This knowledge comes when she has a book thrown at her head by John as punishment for reading books that belong to his mother's library. She then decides to speak out and know her rights and declare herself invulnerable to their continued abuse. She strikes at John, talks back to Mrs Reed, and declares herself better than her cousins because she doesn't lie.

Can you imagine a girl, no more than 10, walking up to you and declaring herself no longer a part of the family? Disowning you and then announcing that you are the worst person in the world while she is more virtuous than any other in the household? The situation is comical and astounding that she would think to say such things, let alone have courage enough to say them.

After leaving Mrs Reed's house, she finds herself at a charity school, Lowood, run by a hypocritical and cruel Mr Brocklehurst. He is a story in himself, capitalistic in his beliefs, though professing to be humble and charitable. His children cavort about the poor girls at the school wearing their firs and silks while the girls wear coarse cast-off material made by their own hands. Now, it wasn't the worst thing to give the girls material to use and make their own clothes, seeing as how they'd never be able to have things made by others. But they had to use cheap, dull needles and cloth that nobody in their right mind would desire to wear - thin and not weatherproof. And their shoes were even worse.

But there is a shining light amidst the grime of Lowood School in the form of Helen Burns. She gives Jane a reason to continue to fight and desire justice. Helen takes all scoldings and punishment without anger or malice, but with humility and a sense of having deserved them. Jane cannot begin to understand this behavior, it being completely opposite of her nature, but Helen is always willing to stop and explain, giving Jane a desire to become more patient and forgiving.

That's all for today. I will continue this series. feel free to comment your opinions and discuss other ideas.

Today I will tell you how Brian and I met and some other things about us.

I'm convinced to this day that every decision i made from that age 18 on was God-driven and led me directly to him. Cuz believe me, my way was definitely not the way I wanted to choose. He may not be THE ONE, but his is The One for me.

I met him through some mutual friends who were in his ward Family Home Evening group. I was actually supposed to live with those girls and really wanted to, but felt like I shouldn't and that I needed to live with some other girls. If i had disregarded those feelings, we would have met sooner, but would we have gotten married? I would hope so.

We are fans of doing stuff backwards. Hold hands before the first date, before we even thought about liking the other person. Talk about marriage before saying "I love you." Etc. Really, we're still like that. Just on less important things.

We saved all of the cash we got from our wedding. I wanted to spend it (not all...), but didn't know what on. So it just stayed in the bank account and probably eventually helped pay for Sean. Thanks everybody who gave us money! We had a baby with your help! :) Sean was brought to you by viewers like you.

Brian and I hate our tendencies to hold on to things for emotional reasons. It took a lot to take a picture of his 3,029 soccer and baseball trophies and then donate them. We knew we had no room or need for them, we just had them for sentimentality. It took a lot for me to get rid of some shoes because I could remember so many fantastic places I walked to/around with them on. It's like throwing away contacts - those little guys had allowed me to see some amazing things that month. (don't worry, I've never saved those for that reason) So we fight these tendencies every spring. Hooray!

Neither one of us can stand clutter. Well, I can when I'm busy or sick, but usually it drives us equally crazy. And both of us like to hug the middle when it comes to politics, child-rearing, and bathroom cleaning. Though i'm a little more feministic than he is.

I'd totally go through the ways we annoy each other, but I love that you all fantasize us as being perfect. Please think that forever. I will let you.

I think next I will discuss a book. Your choice: Jane Eyre, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Goodnight Gorilla, or what I've read so far in Rough Stone Rolling.

Fish and School

Two stories.

Last night I ventured into the world of cooking salmon. It was interesting, to say the least. At first I was fine. Opened the package, started getting out the skinny bones, no problems. But then I started getting mental images of this fish in its live state. Beautiful, shimmering, without a clue, and then I started to get a little freaked out.

The reason why I don't like seafood is because it always looks, in form, like the animal. Shrimp, lobster, crab - I just can't do it. But apparently it can be good for you. Omega-3s and the like. Plus when it's fresh it's not so bad. Honestly though, I have a psychological inability to eat it in even moderate quantities. Once I start thinking about it, my heart starts to pound, my head starts to hurt, and my stomach squirms. The squirming to fish-proximity-to-my-mouth ratio is ever increasing as I eat.

Anyway, back to cooking. I had the stovetop grill ready with a little olive oil on the tin foil. I knew I was supposed to cook it skin-side down. No problem. But I wanted to cut it so the fish would fit better. Alas, no filet knife. No problem.

Yes problem - the skin is rubbery and doesn't like to be sliced by my dulling kitchen knives. I pick it up thinking that I can just cut it from the side.

Oh no, sick Sick SICK! I touched the skin and it was rough and rubbery and, in my mind's eye, still alive.

So I put it down, washed my knife and hands, tried not to barf into the sink, and sat down. It took a while. Finally I had my brain re-convinced that the fish was, indeed, dead and ready to be cooked. I could just cook the whole thing on the grill. The grill is big enough.

I used my knife to transport the fish to the grill. No fingers made contact with the fish.

The thought still makes me shudder and lose my appetite.

But the salmon tacos were excellent. I just love mango salsa.

Second story:
I had a dream that I was back in school, getting ready for some kind of geography exam. For some reason, I had never read the textbook or attended the class and this was a midterm. What? Yeah. So I borrowed the book from the studious kid next to me and started reading. It was over 116 pages and I got to about page 18 when the tests were handed out.

What had I been doing prior to class? Oh yeah, helping my friend Michelle do HER homework for a different class.

I keep wondering if this had anything to do with my feeling guilty about never really studying for a few semesters, playing with my friends instead. Or maybe I just miss Michelle. Or maybe it was attesting to my confidence that I can pass classes without studying (did that).

Overall, last night was full of stomach squirming.